first post (hopefully of many)

I suck at blogging. I've tried before and I've always stopped. The same thing happened when I was younger and tried to keep a diary. It'd work for a little while, then before I knew it, I'd find the diary with entries from months before and I'd write an entry then forget about it for years.

Hopefully that won't happen this time.

So... who I am. For anyone reading and for my own sake, down the road, should I happen to go back and read this years from now.

I'm 30 years old. I like that. 30 is a nice age. It doesn't feel old, it doesn't feel young. It feels very inbetween, which suits how I feel about my life now.

I feel very inbetween. I've named my blog, 'adulthood? a lifelong journey', because I feel like I should feel like an adult, but I don't feel like I'm there yet.

I'm married (very happily), I have two kids (Xylia is over 3 1/2 now, Felix is 5 1/2 months old), I live in a country other than the one I grew up in (though I was born here), finances take up a lot of conversational time I get with my husband (second only to kids, followed quickly by plans for the future), I had a series of similar jobs, then had kids, and I'm sure I'll wind up with a career someday, even though I love being a full time mumma. I'm university educated. My dad lives with us, which has it's ups and downs. I have opinions about things. I'm frequently tired. I'm relearning how to use my shift keys while I type (I figure if I'm going to go back to school one day, I'd better be good at capitalizing appropriately).

That all sounds fairly adult to me. I just don't feel like I'm there yet. I get a regular monetary contribution from my mother, without which we would not get by. I haven't had a chance to truly use my degree. I have too many ideas about what I'm going to 'when I grow up'. I'm always staying up past my bedtime.

I think I'm going to be a school librarian. I used to want to be a Wild Thornberry.

More about me....

I'm vegan. It's not the sort of thing I tend to say outright. It's not that I'm ashamed of it, I'm definitely not, I just don't want to be defined by it. Though it's definitely a part of who I am, so there, i've said it outright.

Other things that fall into a similar category:

I'm atheist. This has taken a leap from the backseat of my me-ness to the here and now because Xylia's school didn't think it was religious, but it definitely is. I don't want her getting a religious upbringing outside of our home, so I've been thinking a lot about why I don't believe what I don't, and what is a good way to share that with a 3 year old without making other people's beliefs less than True in Xylia's mind. It's been interesting.

Sexy. Or so my husband insisted I put in. I believe him, though motherhood makes that feel more like tired. Tired all the time. I feel a bit bad about that, though by the time Xylia was 2, tired started fading to the background a little more. Felix is a 'better' baby, so I'm guessing that will happen quicker this time, and then my husband will feel less neglected :)

'Crunchy'. I really don't like this term, but it's well used, and well, it labels me well, when I go in for the whole labelling me thing. I breastfeed (Xylia self weaned about a week or so before I got pregnant with Felix, she was just over 2 1/2 years old), I 'wear' Felix, and plan to for as long as it works for both of us, I already mentioned the Vegan thing, we co-sleep (xylia moved into her own bed when she was 2), that sort of stuff.

Um, I'm sure there's more, but it's getting late.

The quick and easy things: I'm 5'2", short to many, tall to a few. I weigh a bit more than I 'should', but I'm breastfeeding, so I'm not taking any big actions to shift the weight. My hair is long, though I'm constantly debating cutting it short. My eyes are usually green. I don't drive, though I did when I lived in California. I'm done having kids.


That's it for today, if I don't go to sleep soon, I'll regret it in the morning.

Next time, my family :)